Today, I Nursed You To Sleep

My sweet little boy,

Right now I am staring at you sleeping in my arms.

I nursed you to sleep.

Again.

But before that, I fed you, rocked you and then I laid you in your crib with your mobile going ‘round, hoping you would drift off to sleep like I know you can.

You do it all the time.

But right now you just want your mommy. You want to snuggle, feel my warmth, smell my smell and know you are safe.

I have tried a binky and you won’t take it.

You don’t care for your lovey.

Daddy can put you to sleep on rare occasions.

Sometimes, you have worn yourself out and mommy’s parenting book-tactics work.

Not today.

You cried and cried and mommy just couldn’t take it, little mister.

I scooped you up, snuggled you close, you latched, drank a little and passed out. I closed my shirt and just sat there and cried.

“Why were you crying mommy?” You might want to know.

Because my sweet angel, I know this is temporary. Your sister didn’t want to be snuggled to sleep when she was your age. She wanted her binky, her bed and to be left alone. These days, she has to be convinced for a hug or kiss.

I know that there will be a time when you are just too busy playing with your sister.

A time when you’re chasing the dog around the house.

A time when building a big block tower will be all you can think about

A time when you and sissy will play prince and princess in your table fort all day.

A time when you walk into a classroom and don’t look back.

A time when you talk about growing up and being “just like daddy”, wanting to wear that shiny uniform and mommy will encourage your dreams, but will be scared to death.

A time when after school all I get is a hug and asked for a snack before you are running out to the back yard where you dad is waiting to pitch you the baseball.

A time when you have your first crush and its not me.

A time when you spend your days pranking your sister and I.

A time when we have to talk about the birds and the bees.

A time that we your rent a tux for prom.

A time when we tour colleges.

A time you bring “the one” home and mommy just knows.

A time when you bring home your own baby.

A time when you call me in the middle of the night, because like you, your child won’t sleep.

A time you get to hold and take care of me.

And when most of these days pass, your mommy will be the very last thing on your mind. There will be a day that I can hardly remember this moment.

So I’m throwing out the parenting books.  Forget the sleep training. I don’t care how tired I am. I don’t care if I look clingy. I will nurse you, snuggle you, rock you, whatever you want for as long as you want.

These moments only last for a short time and I will keep you little for as long as I can.

I love you my little mister.

Forever my baby you will stay.

~ Love, Mommy 

 

-Amanda