They say when you have children, they will be twice as rotten and bad as you were when you were a kid. Now I don’t know if there is scientific proof or if you can chalk it up to karma, but in my case, it’s absolutely true. My daughter is a complete basket case lately. It could be caused by her new baby sister and she’s rebelling or the fact that she’s three and a half and that’s what three and a half year olds do. She’s always been known to be able to push my buttons just right but recently she’s taken it to a whole new level. I’m guessing it’s payback for all the hell I caused my poor mom, God rest her soul. When I think I’m going to lose my shit, I take a second to daydream about all the ways I will wreak havoc on my wild child when she’s an adult and I’m a little old lady.
Change My Diaper
She may be 3 and a half and completely potty trained when it comes to peeing, but she STILL will only poop in a pull up. She can go on the toilet, she just chooses not to. It’s like I’m changing an adult’s diaper and it’s disgusting. But payback will come when I’m too old (or too lazy) to use the bathroom and require a diaper and she’s the lucky duck that gets to wipe my ass.
Take Me Shopping
When I get too old to drive, she will be the one to take me grocery shopping. And when I ask for a candy bar in the checkout line and she tells me I can’t because of my diabetes, I will throw the biggest, loudest, on-the-floor-kicking-and-screaming tantrum she’s ever witnessed. She’ll cave from embarrassment.
When it’s time for dinner, she’ll make something healthy, possibly organic, and I will refuse to eat. She’ll demand I at least try it and I will promptly throw it, along with my dentures, on the floor and flash a huge gummy smile. Nothing will enrage you more.
When it comes to her children, my grandchild, she will probably be over protective (as most mothers are) and only want the best for them (as most mothers do). So does grandma. That’s why I will give them WHATEVER they want, when they want it. I will spoil the shit out of them and send them back home loaded up on candy and Mt. Dew. Payback, baby.
I love my strong-willed, slightly crazy little girl and I wouldn’t want to change her or dampen her wild child spirit because it’s what I love most about her. I will, however, pay her back tenfold when it’s her turn to take care of her aging mama.