I sat down to my computer this afternoon, having full intentions of looking into some bathing suits for myself. We have a vacation coming up soon and I don’t have one that this
“mom-bod”fits into anymore. Mom-bod? Is that a thing, like the new “Dad-Bod” craze? Did I just make it a thing? I digress.
I found one that I kind of like. I just know it’s not going to fit the way I want it to and it’s going to cut in in different places than that stick figure model they put all swimsuits on.
Quickly, I became frustrated and stopped shopping and switched over to getting some emails answered. While doing that, I decided I have to share what I am going through with you all.
Even though I have been frustrated with my mom-bod lately, I have been really trying to make sure I am doing all I can with my kids, even though I don’t like the way I look.
I am sure you have seen the video by ScaryMommy. Here ya go… watch it if you haven’t.
Letting how I feel about myself in shorts or in a swimsuit will not interfere with what I do with my kids this summer. I hope you don’t let it either.
I have to be real though. I am not at a place that I am okay with how I look. Everyone says things like:
“Oh it takes time, the weight will come off”
“You have babies”
“Oh stop, you’re beautiful”
or my two favorite that I want to address:
“There are women who wish they could complain about having a mom-bod”
“The babies are worth it”
While we are being real, women put themselves through some crazy things to have a baby. Medications, shots, hormones, trials, a huge list of things for parents trying to conceive and don’t forget about labor and delivery itself. But, I guarantee not one of those women want saggy nipples. I don’t hear any moms saying “we are trying to have a baby and I really want some love handles too.” Please tell me about the mom who wants her butthole to be on fire for month.
I know you are all ready to jump down my throat. I am not saying that a mom who couldn’t get pregnant wouldn’t give one or all of these things to have a baby. I am simply saying no one asks for the oh so fun aftermath.
My babies are worth it. Yes! That is true. I would do it all again 100 times to have my precious children. They are our world and I couldn’t imagine my life without them. But, there are days that I look at my 26lb 10 month old and wish he was smaller when he was born so my hips don’t hurt all the time. Just the other day I was actively thinking about how if my daughter would have just kicked in a different spot for 6 months instead of my bladder, maybe I would have better bladder control now. Logical? Probably not.
I find myself feeling guilty for even being sad about some of my said aftermath. Thinking to myself “shut up and suck it up, you wouldn’t want it any other way.” Really, I wouldn’t.
You know what I realized, no one really tells you about the aftermath. Beyond that, no one tells you that it’s okay to be really sad about the aftermath. Having babies does some intense things to your body and mind. I will let expecting moms into my world for a second and let you know what my aftermath looks like. Head to Toe.
My hair – Super thick > Falling out > Brittle > Falling out again > now starting to come back to normal. Not sure if I will ever have gorgeous locks down to my butt again.
Allergies – Something about pregnancy just did a number on my sinuses.
Gums – I had really bad swollen gums and 10 months later, they are still not back to normal. Yes, I am seeing my dentist, but “these things take time, hormones really mess with a woman.” Preach it.
Mom arms – Okay these are kind of cool. I said mom arms, but what I really mean is body builder shoulders/arms. Carrying babies all the time gives you huge shoulders. It looks like I swim all the time or lift like a man.
Boobs – My once perfect perky C’s are long gone. I moved drastically to DD’s, so now I have crazy stretch marks on them. Then with my second baby, I got even bigger when my milk came in. I don’t even know what size they were at my largest because I refused to try on more bras and find out. BK#2 doesn’t nurse as much now, so my size went down a little and now I have extra skin. I forgot about the best part: BK#2 started biting. Which is the reason we cut out some feedings. Let me tell you, a bruised nipple is not fun!
Stomach – The obvious baby tummy. Mine is a little worse though, because I have diastasi recti. It’s going to take time for it to heal.
Love handles – What are those? I never had them until I had babies. I just find them weird and annoying.
Hips – They don’t lie. They pop in and out of place, and are significantly wider.
Butt – Significantly larger, and it burns sometimes.
Skin – Freckles abound and sagging almost everywhere since losing the baby weight. I barely gained any weight in the first two trimesters with BK#2 then came the 3rd trimester and bam, I gained 25 pounds. On top of that, I was so swollen.
Those are things that I am dealing with currently, but I’m sure there are other things I didn’t mention. Some women experience none of these issues while others have more. I don’t want to scare you but I want to be real with you.
My husband is amazing and is always complimenting me. No one has called me fat or commented on the extra skin on the back of my thighs. So why am I thinking about it so much?
I am a woman and we are self conscious sometimes. Most of the time we’re too critical of ourselves. Society has taught us to “think thin.” There are so many other reasons, on a psychological level, for each individual woman of why we tear ourselves down.
Instead of tearing yourself down, I want you to make a list. Make a list like mine above. A list of things you wish didn’t happen when you had a baby.
Okay. Now I want you to feel whatever you want to feel about it. Be mad about your stretch marks. Be sad about not fitting into your jeans because of your love handles. Be happy that you have giant knockers. Be frustrated with not being able to wear a tiny tank top because you look like a bodybuilder. Feel it all.
Alright, now go hug your significant and baby. Feel validation and success from them and remember that they don’t care about that extra 5 pounds (or 20) that you can’t get rid of. No one specifically told me “you can feel sad about your body.” So, I am telling you. If you are struggling because that friend who had a baby a month after you looks like she did before she got pregnant, you don’t fit in clothes, your hair won’t go into that once cute top knot or whatever your issue is, you are not alone.
Feel whatever you need to feel to get through. Your babies need you to be there for them and keeping it all inside isn’t going to help you heal or feel better. It will ultimately make it worse and you won’t be a better mom for it. Okay, so that last bit that was mostly for me.