Does anyone feel like they are on the brink of losing it? Like, all the time? This is what I have always wanted to do. Stay home with my babies, and take care of my husband, my kids, and my puppies. I wanted them to be my everything and for me to be theirs. And yet, now that it has actually happened, I still feel like I’m on this theoretical ledge all the time.
Amazing day or bad day, that ledge is right there. Just staring at me and threatening my sanity. Not everyone is as aware of that ledge as I am. Some people are, some parents have anxiety, too. I guess my question is, exactly how many? How many of us walk around trying our best and are still scared s***less 90% of the time? I pray, do yoga, have everything just right, and I am still wondering what else I could be doing.
Are they sleeping enough? Because I know I am not.
Do they watch too much TV?
When should they start preschool?
Is all the work I do while being a “stay at home mom” defeating the purpose of being here?
Did they hear me swear when I stubbed my foot on the table leg?
Will this be the horrible day that they remember when they are 40?
Did I encourage them enough?
How are we influencing them when we don’t know it?
Is my house clean enough?
Are they sick this time because I didn’t wash the bathroom enough?
What about the potential mold? Yeah, I should rip out the wall to check.
Are we making sure they see enough of their family members?
Am I spending enough time for myself so I’m the best I can be for them?
Did they hear the attitude in my voice when I was talking to my husband?
It. Never. Stops. Ever.
Why did noone tell us about this? This never ending parent dialogue that is in our heads. Big things, little things, intelligent things, stupid things?
I have days when I feel like we are the best parents ever. We are doing everything right and giving them a better life than we could have ever dreamed of. There are also days when I wonder, “How can it possibly get worse than this?” Both toddlers screaming, both parents sleep deprived and snippy, both staring at each other like “How did this even happen?”…. and the puppy pees on the floor and runs through it.
My point? You are not alone.
No one. Parent or not. You have someone. And if you don’t feel like you do, then you certainly have someone you can talk to in me, and in this amazing little BurritoBuzz Community we have created.
During this Christmas season, I am challenging myself, and you, to treat yourself better. Take a step back and really look at what you have. I mean really look!
My kids might never sleep, but I have amazing kids to wake up to every single morning.
My husband might have a crazy schedule that I hate, but he is more than I could have ever dreamed of for myself and works so unbelievably hard for our little family.
My dogs might make my house messy, but they bring an extra level of love into my home that I just couldn’t ever replace.
My house might be older and need fixed from time to time, but we have a home, and a pretty perfect one at that.
I might have to go shopping before we have dinner, but we have money to go shopping with.
Bedtime is always a fight, but my kids enjoy life and don’t want to miss a single minute.
Turn your life around by flipping your attitude. Your life is no one else’s responsibility other than your own!
Parent or not, your attitude, your stress, your anxiety, and your outlook on life can only be changed by you.
It is Christmas time! Cinch that belt, because we all ate too much last week, love yourself as much as you can, and love everyone around you. Stop beating yourself up, tell your subconscious to cool it, because it’s time to snuggle up on the couch and watch Christmas movies with your kids on repeat for the next month!