mommyhumor – BurritoBuzz

8 Annoying Toys for Babies & Toddlers

Published on August 13, 2016August 9, 2016 by Casey SehmLeave a comment

When you become a parent, you also become an expert on all things that are annoying. It just comes with the territory. I think toy companies create the most annoying toys for babies and toddlers to drive their parents insane. Literally. Whether or not you buy these annoying toys, or if you try to keep them out of your house, they’ll still likely end up in you child’s toy box thanks to birthdays, holidays or from grandparents who love to spoil their grandchildren. As a mom to an almost four year old and four month old, I’m remembering all of the annoying baby toys my oldest used to have (and thought I got rid of forever) because they’ve once again popped up in our toy boxes. Here is a list of the most annoying toys (baby and toddler) according to me:

Brilliant Basics Corn Popper by Fisher-Price – you all know why this is at the top of the list. It is possibly the most annoying toy ever created (thanks Fisher-Price!) Baby just pushes it and pop, pop, pop, pop, pop goes the balls. It. Never. Ends. If someone gifts your child this toy, they secretly despise you.
See n’ Say by Fisher-Price – it seems like Fisher-Price makes several toys that torment parents. This toy is decades old, I remember annoying my mom with it as a child. Point the arrow at an animal and pull the lever down to hear what animal is is and what is says. You’ll hear “the cow goes moooooooooooooo” over and over and over.
Any kind of musical instrument – this is self explanatory. I love music and my husband is a musician but we cannot stand hearing the our toddler’s toy instruments. Her keyboard, maracas, tambourine, drums and recorder (oh, the recorder is a nightmare) are often hidden because they’re just too much for us to hear all at once when our daughter is playing in her “band”.
Go Baby Go!™ 1-2-3 Crawl-Along Snail by Fisher-Price – another Fisher-Price toy, this snail would always start singing and lighting up when just sitting in the toy box with no one near it because there are no buttons to push to make it turn on. Simply touching it turns it on. Its songs and sound effects are highly annoying and my crazy kids absolutely love it.
Playskool Poppin’ Park Elefun Busy Ball Popper by Playskool – the fan noise this
thing projects is really annoying in and of itself but then it spits balls all over the place. My precious toddler loves throwing them at at me. They’re good for target practice I guess.
Doc McStuffins Musical Light-Up Microphone – my husband brought this home for our daughter about a month ago and I thank my lucky stars everyday that he did (I’m being totally sarcastic). This thing never freaking stops and it’s so loud that it wakes my sleeping baby during nap time when my oldest plays with it. It’s now hiding on the top shelf of her closet and won’t be found for some time.
My Pal Scout & Violet by Leapfrog – at first I loved this dog when my oldest got it as a gift a few years. I liked that it could be programmed with your child’s name so it could talk to them. But the buttons get jammed and the songs get stuck on one word or sound and it just repeats. The only way to stop it just turning it off or taking out the batteries. So annoying.
Shake & Sounds Learning Pup by VTech – the only thing I can’t stand about this puppy is the constant barking. It’s cute and my daughter loves to play with it (she even named it Pumpkin Bubble Gum) but it barks. All. The. Time.

This is by no means a complete list, because according to my husband, any toy that lights up and makes noise is annoying. This is just a small list of the most annoying toys (in my opinion) that we own or have owned. My husband and I often talk about taking the kids’ noisiest toys outside and going Office Space on their annoying asses.

If you have an annoying or noisy toy that you’d add to my list, let me know in the comments or tell us in the comments on this post on Facebook or Instagram! I know I am missing a lot and I’m curious which toys to stay away from!

– Casey

Dear Daughters: Don’t Always Be Like Me

Published on July 24, 2016July 21, 2016 by Casey SehmLeave a comment

There are things I don’t like about myself. When you have kids, you think about all of the characteristics and traits you don’t want your kids getting from you. Not that those traits are necessarily bad, but that you, as a parent, don’t want to deal with in a little person. There are also things you hope your children don’t pick up from watching you because you suck at those things.

Here are 10 things I hope my girls don’t learn or inherit from me.

My inability to do makeup. Seriously, I am so bad. I only wear mascara and eyeliner (because putting on anything else would take hours) but I end up with black all over my face. I use an embarrassing amount of Simple Face Wipes, they can literally remove anything. I hope while watching me over the years, my daughters don’t think that that is how you apply it. I will be directing them to YouTube makeup tutorials when it comes time for them to start wearing makeup.
The fact that I can’t do anything but straighten my hair and put it in a pony tail. I got a curling iron because I wanted to do “beach waves” (because beach waves are so in) and I literally can’t figure out how to use it. It just leaves kinks at the ends and doesn’t curl very well. So I hope my girls can learn how to do their hair from YouTube tutorials as well.
I’m am stubborn as shit. The only reason I know I am stubborn is because my almost four year old is exactly like me and she’s stubborn as hell. The two of us butt heads like you wouldn’t believe because of it. I can only imagine how the teenage years are going to go. I also pray my four month old is an angel. I cannot handle two mini-me’s.
My daughters will never, ever see me wearing heels. My husband and I have been together 6 years and he’s never seen me in a pair. I have super flat feet and can barely walk in them but when I was 19, I thought I was cool and went clubbing a lot during that winter. By spring, I was in a cast up to my knee to help set my foot (I sprained it one icy night) and the toenails on my both big toes died and fell off. So, no, I don’t like heels and my girls won’t catch me wearing them.
I can’t cook to save my life. Yes, it’s true. I can’t cook and what I can cook isn’t the greatest. My husband jokes that he should have married my best friend instead because she is a phenomenal cook. Maybe I should have married her, too.
I don’t want them to be afraid to make a mess. Even though they see mommy cleaning constantly, I don’t want them doing the same and worrying about the mess they’re making rather than playing with their toys. Mommy has OCD, they don’t need it, too.
Mommy has an anger problem and yells. A lot. Don’t be like Mommy. My parents never spanked us, but my dad yelled and his voice had the power to bring me straight to my knees and tears to my eyes. He can still make me cry just by raising his voice. I’m the same way with yelling, however, I’m trying my hardest not to lose my cool so easily. I’ve already noticed my oldest yelling (like her mommy, because we’re identical) and I hate seeing her getting angry like that.
I look like I’m seizing when I try to dance. I can’t dance at all. I like dancing, but I have no ability whatsoever. So I hope my oldest, who is taking ballet this fall, will have the dancing gene that is completely absent in me.
Please excel in school like Daddy and let us be able to watch you walk at you high school graduation (unlike mommy). It’s true, I got suspended on the last day of school because I drank all night (with about half of the graduating class) and passed out while taking my final French exam. Because of the suspension, I couldn’t walk at graduation. My parents were pissed and I feel bad that they weren’t able to see me walk across the stage and get my high school diploma (I did graduate and get my diploma though). I just hope my girls take school more seriously than I did (and not worry about boyfriends and the crazy parties) and get good grades to get into a good college.
Sunscreen is your friend! I went tanning in a tanning bed almost every day for years in my late teens/early twenties. My skin, at 28, is awful. I will slather the shit out of my kids with sunscreen until they’re physically able to beat me off of them. I better never catch them in a tanning bed either. But seriously, I hope they’re smarter than me when it comes to the sun.

– Casey

I’m watching Kelly & Michael (and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.)

Published on October 27, 2015October 27, 2015 by katiekuceyeskiLeave a comment

I’m sitting here on my day off. Baby coaxed to sleep by a vibrating, humming elephant that is actually kind of creepy. Coffee in hand. Pajamas still on. And Kelly & Micheal on my TV, which is usually playing cartoons. There are so many things I could be doing…

…editing photos from the many photo shoots we’ve had this fall season (my husband and I are photographers on the side.)

…sweeping my house.

…laundry (always the laundry.)

…putting on makeup?

It’s one of those mornings where it’s just not happening. You can’t guilt me.

My tiny human has been sleeping like he’s a newborn again, up every few hours or more. Teething like crazy, whining and flailing around trying to grow some tiny bones from his face. I’m not discrediting that it hurts to grow teeth, but as parents our exhaustion level is intense.

I didn’t even want to write this blog. Hashtag honesty?

I want to sit mindlessly and watch Kelly & Michael. I’ve always been jealous of people that can just watch Kelly & Michael (or Kathy Lee and Regis, Regis and Kelly, Kelly/Michael with random hosts.) I’ve always worked full-time, so by the time the show is on I’m laboring over a keyboard staring at a bright computer screen. After having a baby and going part-time, my days became filled with cartoons.

I’m a total busybody (and everybody knows it.) My brain is almost incapable of letting me just do nothing, even for a few minutes.

Sometimes I need the reminder of how much I’m actually doing. Raising a baby in itself is hard work, and all the other work on top of it? Sometimes I’m not sure how I do it. I need to cut myself a break and not feel guilty.

So today I’m going to sit, even if it’s just for 10 minutes to watch Michael and Kelly. It’s happening. You should make it happen, too.

-Katie

Mom For President

Published on October 15, 2015October 20, 2015 by The Essential Life 3651 Comment

I’ve had it. I’ve simply had it with the issues of today and because of this, I am officially running for President. We have endured the atrocities of our culture for long enough and I’m putting a stop to it. Consider this my official throwing-of-the-name-in-the-hat.

1. For my first act as President, I will require every store restroom (clothing or grocery) be hereby fit with a toddler chair. So that every hardworking, American mother may experience a peaceful pee in any location she may be.

2. My second act as POTUS will henceforth ban any individual from touching a pregnant belly without prior permission. Second Cousins, Great Aunts, Strangers in the Checkout Line, I’m looking at you. Lest you be slapped with heavy fines and a note on your criminal record, hands off.

3. Thirdly, I will propose a bill to fund the creation of a yoga pant that does not reveal the line of the panty. We will wear them as pants. We will choose comfort over denim. And we will keep our undergarments private!

4. Next, I will require that all mall stores have aisles wide enough for strollers (The Children’s Place, seriously. There is no excuse).

5. All child shoes will be simple, easy to put on and not make a mother feel as though she is breaking every single toe off of her child while attempting to dress them for the day.

6. Next, any individual selling direct sales, specifically magical wraps to shrink post-baby tummies, will be limited in their outrageously frequent and mostly obnoxious postings to once every 2 weeks.

7. As a candidate for President of this fine nation, I am appalled that no one before me has declared that every Starbucks adopt a delivery system. I will make this declaration.

8. While on the topic of home delivery, America will bring back the Milk Man. Infants, toddlers and children alike consume a shocking amount of vitamin D per day and the regular delivery of the beverage will help relieve the stress of mothers across this nation.

9. All grocery carts will be subject to the same safety scrutiny as vehicles when it comes to holding an infant car seat. There will be no more unsafe wobbling of baby carriers on the shoddy wire seat. No. More.

10. Every public restroom in the United States of America will be equipped with a clean, liner-filled, diaper changing station.

11. Purell. Purell will become the new fire extinguisher. Every 50 feet.

12. All infant pajamas with 63 snaps all the way to the toe will be banned. They are a nighttime sanity hazard and will not be tolerated.

13. The abhorrent LIES told by the tags of infant clothing will be reconfigured. Inches or weight, not months will be the new measurement.

14. As President, I will require all children’s menus at restaurants to provide several fruit and vegetable options.

15. Finally, in an act that will lead this nation into great success and prosperity, I will provide all new parents with a 5 year subscription to Netflix and a DVR. Long nights bonding with a newborn are a crucial necessity of life. So is Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

You’re Welcome America.

-Chelsea

What not to say to a pregnant women!

Published on September 26, 2015October 20, 2015 by AmandaLeave a comment

I know people mean well, but after two pregnancies in two years I can definitely say that there are some things I wish people would never say to pregnant women. Here is a list just to clear up some things you should never say to a pregnant women:

1.“Are you sure it’s not twins?”

2.“Are you sure they have your due date right?”

3.“You’re going to have your hands full!” (As they look at my 1 year old.)

4.“Was it planned?”

5.“You had a natural birth last time? Was that planned? And you seriously want to do it again? Come on–just ask for the epidural! What are you trying to prove?”…..seriously? You want me to answer you?

6.“You look like you are due any day now! Do you really have three more months?!”

7.“I was all belly when I was pregnant. I only gained 15 pounds.” (I definitely gained more than that!)

8.“Wow, you look like you’re going to pop!”

9.“Wow you’re so huge”

10.“Wow you’re so small”

11.“Are you gaining enough weight?” Any other time in a women’s life you NEVER talk about her weight, why is it all of a sudden okay to talk about our size when we are pregnant? Sure “You’re all belly” and “That bump is adorable” makes us feel good. But do NOT make general statements, because Lord knows we are painfully aware!

12.“You don’t look pregnant. Are you sure you are?” (This can be a compliment to a women of multiple children who has gained a lot of weight, but it can be disappointing to the first-time mom who is already nervous and desperately wants to look pregnant!)

13.“I think you’re having a …..”

14.“Can I touch your belly?”

15.“You’re breastfeeding right?”

16.“Will you work after the baby comes?”

17.“It’s about time!”

18.“Are you craving pickles?” (No, but now that you mentioned food, I’m really hungry. Thanks for that now go get me some ice cream!)

19.“You can’t eat/drink that” My personal favorite. I will eat and drink WHATEVER I want, because I am pretty sure that it is MY body and you are NOT my OB!

20.“Will you have more kids?”

21.“I feel pregnant too” …..oh? ummm ….

22.“Enjoy your last few months of freedom.” Why do you assume that I will not have a life or freedom after I have a child? Is your life that boring? Just saying.

23.“Your baby is going to be huge/tiny” Again, are you a doctor?

24.“You look tired”

25.“Anything yet?”

26.“You’re still pregnant”

27.“You know it’s really 10 months.” Gracies. No, seriously. Thanks for that. Because I’m not already praying I can hold my baby any day now, but you have to remind me how long I have to wait.

28.“Well elephants are pregnant for 22 months so you don’t have it that bad” Yeah, thanks for pointing that out.

29.“Good luck my labor was terrible.”

30.“Aren’t you a little young/old to be having a baby?”

31.“Shouldn’t you be resting?”

32.“You’re quite hormonal.” You haven’t seen anything yet…..

33.“I thought your boobs would be bigger”

34.“How are you going to handle two?”

35.“I never had morning sickness”

36.“I was ripped open from end to end.”

37.“Can you even see your feet anymore?”

38.“So, how do you get your shoes on?”…..Good question…..

Pregnancy is a beautiful and also disgusting thing! Please do not make the gorgeous women who are making tiny humans want to rip your tiny peewee little head off by saying any of these statements, or any in their likeness! Haven’t you heard not to mess with a pregnant women? The only acceptable statements are:

“You look FABULOUS!”

“I am so happy for you!”

And, “I can’t wait to meet your beautiful baby!”

Now, where is that ice cream you were supposed to get me?!?!?!?

~Amanda

p.s. We have all been there at least once, and we wanted to show you that we really do feel for you preggie mommas!