Two Under Two. Tips and Tricks

two under two babies. burritobuzz BK#12.jpg

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times people ask me “How do you do it?”

My answer is usually “Lots of patience and love”.

While that is true, we have a pretty regimented life. I am a stay at home mom  while my DH works night. I HAVE to keeps all my ducks in a row or it will just be pure chaos.  Two under two is not for the faint of heart. You learn so much more than you ever thought possible, and it almost hurts how much you can love two little babies at one time!

Planning on “Baby bunching”? Found yourself Pregnant 8 months after your first birth, like me? I am 10 months in now, and I have to share some of the things that just get you through your day-to-day life!

I hope it helps! I am sure I will come back and add more in a few months since the babies are always changing…

Two Under Two. Tips and Tricksgraphic

Order Diapers and Wipes online

freeshippingI use Target.com with my Red card, and I get free shipping, but  there are TONS of other options! AmazonFamily, Amazon Prime, Diapers.com <<, Just to name a few.  I never did it with BK#1, but a month or so after BK#2 came along I found out that I could order diapers with no shipping with my Red card. It is seriously the best thing ever, and eliminates the extra trip because you forgot about opening the last pack of diapers. Seriously, diapers at your doorstep! Now if I could only train the post man to leave the box and back away quietly……

Oldestscheduleburritobuzz .png

The schedule that you make will change because of feedings, diaper blow-outs, meltdowns, the end of the world, and ya know pretty much anything. I have found that being able to tell BK#1 what is going to happen next and reminding her of her day to day activities grounds her and helps her feel like she is in control.

 

PottyTraining BurritoBuzz3b1226ef1d596957053abd230986c560

If your child isn’t ready and not even interested, don’t sweat it. I introduced it pretty young with BK#1 but didn’t start making it a regular and consistent thing until she was around 2, and it has been pretty impossible. It never fails every time I sit down to nurse BK#2,  finally get him asleep, or I have him in the bath and she is gated in her room that she will holler “Mommyyy potty!!” Better yet BK#1 crawling through an accident that you didn’t know existed until you bend down to pick him up…….

 

GetoutbabyItemsBurritoBuzz.png

When I was around five months pregnant I un-boxed the baby swing, pack n play, changing table etc. I wanted her to get used things that were not hers, and not only not hers, but she was not allowed to touch. It didn’t totally eliminate her pushing on the swing when he was in it, or trying to see over the pack n play edge, but it certainly started the communication early. She was very aware of “ Only for baby” ,  “Very gentle” , and “Be careful” way before there was even a baby in the gear.

 

TransitionBurritoBuzz.png

imagesBIZZSE10Baby gear is pretty bulky, and I tried my hardest not to have double of everything! For example: We transitioned into a booster seat instead of using the high chair, to conserve space. Another item that we started transitioning out of was the binky. We didn’t completely take it away, but it was no longer anywhere but her bed. We did it for a lot of reasons, but mostly to make it as easy as possible when she saw her baby brother with one. When it was time to get rid of it completely it really wasn’t a huge deal, thankfully!

 

backcarryburritobuzz .png

I know some people can’t because of their backs, or just don’t chose to because they feel it is “babying and spoiling your child” when you carry a toddler. I will tell you that wearing my toddler has seriously saved my sanity. If you don’t already have one get a soft structured carrier or wrap and start putting that baby on your back! Your toddler needs to feel special and close to you too, and it is seriously the easiest way to do just that. Even if you hand the carrier to your DH when he is heading out to rake leaves, I promise your toddler will be calmer and you will have a lot more hair on your head.

Don’t know how?

I pretty much taught myself how with youtube videos! I will link a good one below for you. It looks a littler awkward, and takes practice to do alone, but its worth it.

** She is going a little slower than you normally would to show steps…..

Wrapyouinlove.com is a great resource for tutorials and BabyWearing Education, if you need more info!

 

Video Monitor .png

Okay, so I am a little back and forth on the topic of baby monitors. I think they are essential to get things done while the babies are sleeping, but we had a video monitor with BK#1 and I made a horrible habit of getting her way too soon if she woke in the middle of the night. She had a horrible time teaching herself to go back to sleep, because I would see her sit up and I would rush in to get her. We transitioned to a simple radio monitor to get away from seeing her and relying on knowing her cries and letting her sleep! Well when BK#2 came along I thought I was losing my mind with the radio one! Once the newborn cry was gone it was so hard to distinguish between the two children’s noises. They are siblings and they sound A LOT alike! Not only that, but I was so paranoid! Was BK#1 silently climbing out of her crib? Is BK#2 still breathing? Is he standing and trying to climb out too??? Bk#2 is nicknamed “Monkey” because he is way ahead of the game when it comes to moving. He’s 10 month old and can climb stairs, is trying to walk, and can just about pull himself up on the couch.gebaby

This is the GE Monitor system that we have right now. It’s really nice, but I am always looking for better, because I have yet to find the PERFECT set.

{If you have one you LOVE and have zero issues feel free to share!}

So sanity, parents. Save. Your. Sanity.

 

Baby doll with accessories. .png

This isn’t essential, but purposeful play with dolls gave BK#1 and idea of what was to come. I believe it truly helped with our smooth transition. 140545_0000.jpgBaby Stella is the current favorite!

 

 

 

Focus on teaching independence. .png

Do you carry your toddler up the stairs most of the time? Do you have every single entry way gated off? Do you always carry in parking lots? Does your toddler understand the word ‘patience’ and actively use it/ talk about using patience?b3f0a99d9292dfc4c41ccb3f89efeb91

Toddler –Proof an area.

13971309.jpgWe actually have multiple places that I can leave BK#1, with a gate on the door, and not worry about her hurting herself. Her bedroom is absolutely her space, and there’s nothing she can hurt herself on, and the same with the play room. If you don’t have the space I really encourage you to do this. You will need to get a shower, get the mail, take the dogs out, and make a phone call, etc. without a toddler trying to get your attention and without worrying about what they are getting into.

One diaper bag. .png

Just start out with one and get a system down. Don’t try and have a bag for both kids. I felt like I still needed all the essentials for BK#1, and in reality you just need a diaper and a change of clothes. Don’t overdo it and cause yourself unnecessary stress. You can read more about what I put in my diaper bag here.

Storage. .png

cea8ff434961f0508ea09cec8b90711dBefore baby number two arrives set up stations around the house to keep essentials ready for quick access.  I have a basket or storage solution for diapering, lunch items, bottles, breast pump accessories, and snacks. Not only does it make the day go smoother, it makes it easier for DH or babysitters.

Have places to put down baby. .png

Have a pack n play, swing, bouncy seat, or whatever floats your fancy set up in multiple areas of your house. Speaking from experience, there will be many times you will be casually canoodling the newborn and the toddler will spill a bottle of water everywhere, or knock something down, need a diaper change, and or just make a disaster of your house. There will be no time to run a baby to the next room to the swing, you will need SAFE places to leave the baby. Not only for toddler disasters, but just to do normal things. Ya know, like peeing.

 

Let go of your allotted screen time. .png

Eventually you will turn on Daniel flipping Tiger, put the baby in the saucer, and hide in the kitchen to drink your (hot)coffee in 5 minutes of quiet. If you say you don’t (or you won’t) then you’re in denial/lying.join-daniel-tiger-image.png

Write down things that you normally wouldn’t.png

FindingRest1You’re going to be sleep deprived, and just plain crazy some days. I promise you will forget to call someone, pay a bill, buy a gift, or even put pants on if there weren’t bright pink Post-its plastered all over your house. Let’s be honest…that last one is purely optional.

 

 

Naptime. .png

Get the baby on a nap schedulewith the toddler as soon as possible. My 12:30pm nap is when I get 80% of my housework done. Seriously, it’s probably the best thing I did!

Accept Help.png

I promise it really is okay to let friends and family help you. Learn how to ask for it, and learn how to accept it. It makes a huge difference to have a good go-to list when you are at your wits end and the toddler just needs to get out of the house.

 

Carve out alone- time for each child..png

However this works into your day be sure to do it. It can be as simple as story time.

Husband time!

 

871c1aff5a1234e86739aa1a0ace466bI try really hard to leave my evenings for my DH. Even if things aren’t done I tend to leave them for the next day, so that when the babies are in bed I am actively and consciously spending time with him. It’s so easy to spend your days throwing everything into two babies, and then just shutting down the second there is silence. Don’t forget that he still needs you too.

 

BurritoBuzzBK#2Two under two has been such a blessing, and really more fun than I can even describe. Even with all of these things, I will tell you your kitchen won’t be perfect, laundry is always going to need washed, toys are always everywhere.

Chill out! It will get easier and less messy some day!

Do you have two under two? Do you do something that I don’t? What else can I be doing to save my sanity?!?!?

 ~Amanda

 

 

 

Advertisements

My Birth Control Journey/Paraguard {Product review}

**I am definitely not a medical professional. This article is based on my personal experience. As always, please talk to your doctor before making any medical decisions for yourself**

“The best way to reduce the risk of unintended pregnancy among women who are sexually active is to use effective birth control correctly and consistently……..”

Screenshot (59).jpg

BK#1 was conceived with combined oral contraceptive. That “typical failure rate of 9%”, yeah that is me. I took my pill daily, and had alarm set on my phone so even if I was busy, I couldn’t forget. She is a blessing, we adore her, and in no way is she an “oops”, “accident” or many other things I have heard. The pill simply didn’t work for me.

After she was born I went on a progestin only pill (because I was nursing BK#1) AND we used condoms!

condoms

8 months later I found out I was pregnant with BK#2!! >>> Insert chaos here<<<<

Okay CDC I got you…I am the 9% and apparently in the 18% also?!?!

Our babies are our WORLD and we wouldn’t have it any other way!! Birth control, in general, just infuriates me and scares me. Why spend all this money, if planning your life for your children doesn’t work! God obviously wanted these babies, and they better become lawyers or the president or something.

For those who have a very hard time TTC, or can’t I am truly sorry. This post is not to make you feel bad, but to make woman aware of the stats, and the reality of birth control failure.

After BK#2 was born we made the decision that I would get an IUD. We were not ready to get anything permanent, and make the decision to be done having babies, but SOMETHING had to be done! My body is still recovering 6 months later. A pregnancy a year is not easy on the body, at all. Doctors say it takes a woman’s body 18 months to completely heal…..well BK#1 and BK#2 are only 17 months apart. So, even though I was scared of getting an IUD because of the risk factors, I chose to get one for my health, and sanity!

After months of talking with my  DH, doctor,  and midwife, we decided that I would get a Paragard.BurritoBuzz Paragard2

burritobuzzparagard

Pros: Its more than 99% effective! I like those odds a little better. The string is a cotton string unlike most IUD’s. It is still stiff at first, but it does soften up after a few weeks. Even though it caused a little discomfort at first with my husband, after a week or so it was fine! It lasts for 10 years.  No more alarms going off to take my pill, no more counting days and checking the calendar to see if I missed a day, or if the pack is right, and no more taking pills!!!! YES PLEASE.

There are no hormones, because it is a copper device. >>> No weight gain, mood swings, etc. that come along with a hormone based birth control.

I have had no spotting, or periods since the initial spotting after insertion. I don’t know if that is due to still breastfeeding, or the IUD.

I had no “adjustment time”. No cramping or pain later. BUrritoBuzz Paragard.png

6 months after being pregnant, and I’m not pregnant!!!!!!

My insurance paid for it in FULL! We don’t have that great of insurance either, so be sure to contact them first!

Cons: It hurt like you wouldn’t believe getting it put in! I had two natural births , and I was crying while it was getting put in, I almost passed out, I puked after she was done, and I sat in the office for 30 minutes after it was done to calm down so I could leave.

There are a lot of horror stories about IUD implanting in the uterus etc., but never did I read anything about how I felt that day.

When you get it put in after birth you have to wait a month or so. I scheduled my insertion promptly after delivery, and my midwife and OBGYN insured me that it would be super easy to insert, because of just delivering a huge baby.

IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN EASY FOR THEM!

Honestly, I felt bad for my doctor. I was a mess, but I couldn’t help it! When they dilated my cervix and inserted it I could have swore she was trying to rip out my uterus.

I suggest asking to be numbed, and some valium if you are getting it!

There are the horror stories of IUDs, but that comes with anything. There are even  horror stories for the pill. Its really how you take care of yourself, and making sure you go for your regular checks, and are checking yourself!

The pain of insertion is the only bad thing I have to say about Paragard!

Would I do it again?  Maybe? If they could drug me up, or knock me out! I think its worth it for 10 years.

Be sure to talk about all of your options with your doctor, and educate yourself before putting anything into your body! I hope my experiences can help you!!

~Amanda~

 

 

 

 

Sassy Wonder Wheel Activity Center {Product Review}

sassy%20wonder%20wheel1.jpgIf I had a quarter for every time someone asked “How do you do it?” I would be swimming in money! Two under two is NOT for the faint of heart- that is for sure! It is accomplished with a lot of patience, love, coffee, a lot of planning ahead, and purposeful play.

This little wonder is AHHHMAAAZZIINNGGG!

A friend got it for us for BK#1’s baby shower, and it has been in constant use since!

Pros: This toy keeps a baby’s attention for a large amount of time! I stick it on high chairs, walkers, the floor, and restaurant tables. The base attaches to pretty much anything that is flat and clean! It twists around the base, the wheel itself spins, and the little pieces inside with beads spin and rotate also. There are beads inside the wheel itself, so it makes an entertaining noise for them.231149822

Very Durable!

We have had it for almost two years now, and it still looks new even though it has taken a beating! The wheel has been tossed from tables, thrown across the room, beaten on a drum, and I could go on and on with a list of things BK#1 uses toys for. The pieces are not loose, and it has not cracked anywhere!

It’s even been through the dishwasher a few times! ***Nowhere does Sassy say that this is okay, but I felt it needed sanitized more than I could with some Clorox wipes. ***

Wonder%20Wheel%201.jpgThe wheel is advertised for 6 months plus, but BK#1 is approaching two next month and still adores it, and still distracts her when we are out to dinner!

I found it cheapest on Amazon for $7.23. It regularly is around $9 everywhere else.

 

Cons: The ONLY complaint that I have, is that it’s a little big. So, you have to have a larger bag to be able to tote it around. I have a pretty large diaper bag, and it’s not an issue. Not everyone does though.

 

I was really surprised that our babies would love such a simple toy, but it has become the item that goes everywhere with us, and we probably should purchase a second in case of emergencies.

Absolutely a 5 star and a MUST for any parent!

~Amanda

Two Under Two Diaper Bag- JuJuBe Review

jujubeWhen BK#1 was around 6 months old I purchased this diva of a bag! I was shocked by the price, but after looking at review videos, and looking at all the stats I HAD to have it! I am a bag girl, and my little Carter’s bag  was not holding up! I knew that, in general, quality meant a higher price tag, so I sucked it up and went to my local boutique,  {Shop local! Shop Local! SHOP LOCAL! I will get into that in another post, but its phenomenal what it does for our economy to shop small business! That is another post though! But, I mean it,  either order online from a small business or go find one!}  and purchased my first Ju-Ju- Be!

I will never go back!

jujube
All contents for two under two!

I said a while back, in a previous post that I would talk about my BFF! (Literally and physically- that’s the bag’s name) This diaper bag is my bag, by toddler’s bag, AND my 4 mo old’s bag! Keep reading and you will see how!

This is our Ju-Ju-Be. The BFF – Queen Of The Nile

Lets just go over what this bag has to offer!

Front “mommy pocket” I keep MORE than I keep in my small purse in this pocket!  My contents: Notepad, pen, wallet,business cards, lipstick, sunglasses, perfume, anti- bac, tissues, vitamins (in case I forget to take them that day…it happens more times than I would like to admit), hair ties, bobby pins, and my portable phone charger.jujube

jujube
Mommy Pocket

Cell phone pocket jujube small pocket lined with super soft cotton to keep phone from getting scratched.

 

jujube
I always keep a cup of water for my toddler with me.
jujube
Even though my baby HATES bottles, I try to always have a pumped bottle with us, just for emergencies.

2 Exterior insulated bottle pockets– With “Thinsulate by 3M”. It keeps bottles cold for hours and warm for quite a while!

Memory foam changing pad included – Back pocket. I keep papers from the doctor, church bulletins etc. in this pocket also. It keeps them flat and unwrinkled.

jujubeJujube

jujube

It has double zippers on most pockets, which is nice for quick access, but the tinkering makes me kinda crazy sometimes. I tuck one pull inside the bag and close.

jujube
Messenger strap

Detachable and adjustable messenger strap has removable memory foam shoulder pad & can be shortened to tote strap length.

jujubeOptional shoulder strapsI only use this option! Two under two? I need all the hands I can get!

**My husband also loves that he can just throw it on his back, and doesn’t feel like he is carrying a purse.

When you open the bag, it has “Picture pockets“, but I keep small items and coupons in these pocketsjujube.jujube

Inside organization includes: 4  pockets, 3 zippered pockets & lots of  open space!jujube

Two under two requires a lot of organization period, but my diaper bag is very methodical and has some very specific items, so I thought I would share exactly what I pack in this gem, just to help you get an idea of what you might need!

I designate one back zipper pocket as another mommy pocket. I don’t want my toddler tossing tampons around the store when she decides that its time to open up and go through the diaper bag. So at least they are kind of concealed, sanitary, and away from grimy little hands! jujube jujube

In the opposite zipper pocket I keep some emergency ‘medical’ essentials. (You can purchase all of these items at Target or Babies R Us. The clippers are from babies R us, they aren’t my favorite pair, but they are pretty cool, because they have a light.)

Being a stay at home mom, we have the opportunity to visit grandparents and great grandparents a lot more than most. They typically don’t have baby essentials stocked in their medicine cabinets. So I like to have them with me just for emergencies.

I say ‘just for emergencies’ a lot, but it comes from experience! I have found I would rather have it in the bag, and not ever have to use it, rather than that one time where my toddler is losing her mind because her molars are coming in, I have tried every possible option to make her feel better, and I don’t have any Tylenol with me! jujube I haven’t used that lanolin in 3 months, but the second I take it out of the bag, I will want it the next time I’m feeding in the Target dressing room!  jujubeYou just never know when you are going to need things like this as a mommy.

jujube jujube Diapering Items- I keep some sort of diaper paste and powder in the far right open pocket for easy access. My diaper cream is dependent on how their little butts are doing. This cream is my favorite for keeping diaper rash away. (Up and up’s version of aquaphor =half the price)

jujube
I also stand up my diapers, rather than lay them flat, to make them easier to pull out.

My babies wear Up and Up diapers and wipes,  and although they are 17 months apart, they are only one size apart and their diapers look identical at quick glance. So, I separate with the wipes for easy access.jujube I recommend keeping a few diapers for each baby. Your toddler might not even need a diaper while you are out, but it is always better to be safe than sorry!

I always keep a spare outfit for both babies, two burp cloths, and a nursing cover.

jujubeI stack them on the left side with clothes on the bottom, nursing cover in the middle, and burp clothes on top.jujube

In the side left pocket, and remaining two back pockets, I keep odd and ends: Binkies, bath supplies, plastic utensils, a few hair clips, toys, and teethers. jujube

jujube
It looks a little like Tetris, but everything fits super easy!
jujube
SNACKS – ‘Nilla wafers, yogurt raisins and a fruit/veggie squeezie.

jujube jujube jujube  jujubeLast, but not least, before I leave the house I always throw some snacks in! A full toddler is a happy toddler!!!

jujubeThe bottom of the bag is structured and has luggage feet! This is super nice so your bag doesn’t get scuffed and/or ripped.

The entire bag is coated with their Teflon® fabric protector to help you wipe away any mess and prevents stains.

“Agion® treatment protects the liner by inhibiting the growth of odor-causing bacteria, mold and mildew.”

Each corner has crumb drains, so when completely unzipped you can just shake the bag out!jujube

Annddddddd ….Drumroll please!!! It is machine Washable!!!!!! Fantastic feature all in itself, because most bags of this quality are in  a DO NOT wash category!

The only Con for this bag, is that it is pricey, and once you like it, you tend to want more. Don’t follow them on social media, or you will end up drooling and purchasing more!

Two under two is a blast! It’s a lot of work, and requires a lot of prep during nap times, but it is possible to not completely lose your mind….some days! I am 4 months in and I am learning new things every day to make life with babies a little less scary. What do you do to make life with babies easier?

~Amanda

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Salmon Made Me Do It!

burnt-salmon

Salmon was for dinner. Baby K#2 was sleeping and BabyK#1 was playing with daddy.  I should have been able to make dinner peacefully and calmly. Except for the fact that BabyK#1 wanted nothing to do with daddy; she wanted mommy, and all of mommy. So, I attempted to cook dinner and play on the kitchen floor with some shape blocks at the same time. Bad idea. I didn’t have time to cook fish and play. The fish started falling apart, and so started the rage fit for the hour. My blood was boiling and I felt like I could punch a wall. I felt like I could punch a wall over some stupid fish falling apart. Right about this time BabyK#1 stepped on a block and was completely losing it! So, I scooped her up and took her in the living room and convinced her to play with daddy. The salmon! The salmon was burnt to a crisp. At this point I literally threw the pan into the sink and screamed “forget it no one is eating today”.  There began the tears for the evening. I wept…. I’m not talking a little bit of crying. I’m talking soaked your shirt, cant breath, and you probably should crawl to the bathroom in case you puke kind of tears.  My DH  just held me and let me cry, but he shouldn’t have had to do that. THAT woman was NOT the person he married. THAT woman was far from the person that I am. I was unrecognizable even to myself.

I am not the mother who lays on the couch for hours at a time.

I am not the mother who is scared she might throw the book that her toddler threw back at the toddler.

I am not the mother who holds her newborn and weeps…and weeps…and weeps, because why? Who knows?

I am not the mother who hears both babies crying and rolls over in bed.

I am not the mother who is furious that her one month old wants held, and won’t sleep for more than two hours at night.

I am not the wife who questions every move her husband makes.

I am not the wife who doesn’t trust her husband. With anything.

I am not the wife who avoids physical contact.

I am not the friend who dodges phone calls and texts.

I am not the friend who doesn’t show up to hang out.

I am not her.

I feel physically ill when I think about how I acted and what could have happened. It was the most terrifying feeling I had ever experienced. I decided that evening to talk to my midwife and do something about how I was feeling. Deciding to push past the stigma, fear, and pride; suck it up, and do what the doctor said would help me two weeks ago when I went in, because I knew something was off and it was worrying me. The evening of the salmon (yeah that’s what it is being called) was not worrisome. It was terrifying.

I always thought that being depressed meant that you were sad all the time and didn’t wash your hair or leave your house. I’m sure that’s probably a good description of depression for some people, but it’s also a pretty good description of being a mom, minus the sad part. But I found in reading articles and talking to a few friends that irritability and anger are also symptoms of depression. Uh, two humungous check marks right there!

So, what is PPD, and what is the difference between PPD and your good ol’ baby blues???

***You should always consult with a physician about any symptoms. These are just my findings***

Baby Blues “begin in the first few days following delivery and are typically gone by about two weeks postpartum. Symptoms tend to be mild.” The usual weepiness/crying for no apparent reason, impatience, irritability, restlessness, anxiety, sadness, mood changes, and poor concentration are all symptoms of baby blues.

All of this was pretty manageable for me with BabyK#1. I cried some, I got annoyed some but that was it, and it only lasted about a week.

PPD is a “serious mental health problem characterized by the prolonged period of emotional disturbance occurring at the time of major life change and increased responsibilities in the care of a newborn infant. PPD can have significant consequences for both the new mother and family.”

There are so many symptoms but the ones that I have read about are : Loss of appetite, insomnia, intense irritability and anger, overwhelming fatigue, loss of interest in sex, lack of joy in life, feelings of shame guilt or inadequacy, severe mood swings, withdrawal from family friends, difficulty bonding with your baby, and thoughts of harming yourself or your baby.

About two weeks after BabyK#2 was born the symptoms just kept on coming and kept getting worse. I talked to my husband, and my mom trying to convince myself that I wasn’t completely losing it. I kept putting on a happy face and shoving all the feelings/lack of feelings down. I felt like a horrible mother and a horrible wife. I doubted if I was supposed to be a mother and a wife. Mostly, I doubted my decision to become a mother. Not just a good mother, but a mother in general. Me! The person who has wanted children since I was a little girl! Me! The person who only ever wanted to be a mother. My “dream job” growing up was to be mom. I was living it and I didn’t know if I still wanted it. I doubted whether I should have ever had kids. I knew that I COULD do it, but I wondered why on earth I had WANTED to do it. When I had a bad day I just wanted to run away. I knew I would come back, I just wanted to stand up grab my keys and walk out the door and have an hour to just relax and not feel needed. And that feeling was so strange. It was almost like my body was willing itself to do this. It was an internal power struggle. Half of me was trying to get up and walk out, while the other half, the more rational side was preventing this from happening. So very strange. None of that was me. In any shape or form.

After living like this for about 7 weeks a friend came over to visit. She has 4 children and they are all very close in age like mine. I asked her if she had gone through any of this, if she took the medication prescribed, and if she went to therapy, or how she made out on the other side. She began telling me her story of how she was completely numb, couldn’t connect to her kids, she wouldn’t eat and how it lasted for years without her saying a word. WOW! Years? I feel like I’m going crazy after a few weeks. I couldn’t imagine not having anyone to talk to, and not having a resolution for this for years! Needless to say hearing from her and the night of the salmon gave me the guts do what needed done. No matter how cruddy I felt.

Being a mom means doing hard things. And sometimes the hardest thing is asking for the help you need. And the rage is still there. It’s the most difficult part to manage and from my experience, the least-talked about symptom of depression. I’m typing this now in tears, because it’s all so fresh and real, and still so present. I have only felt “normal” for about a week now. And by “normal” I mean not about to fly off the handle. I am in no way completely healed. Yes, I’m still fighting the depression, sadness, and rage. But now, finally … finally I feel like I’m winning.

That’s why I’m writing this post. I want all you moms out there to know that if you deal with PPD, depression, and especially the rage that can accompany it, you are not alone. You are not a bad mom. It can and will get better—if you get help. But now I understand that depression happens to regular people. These scary feelings do not make me a bad mother. And with medication, therapy, lots of prayer, and healthier life choices, I feel more like me again.

~Amanda

Sources :

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/postpartum-depression/basics/definition/con-20029130